Keep On Keepin’ On

I had a rather abrupt realization the other day. I love being single.

The thing about healing after heartbreak is that it isn’t a binary state — one day you’re sad, the next day happy. No, each day is an incremental journey towards the other side, towards acceptance and integration. Some days you slide a little, but there comes a day when you realize you’re in new territory.

For me it came with the epiphany that it is liberating not having to answer to anyone but myself. A relationship, after all, is a constant negotiation between the wants and needs of two people for better or for worse. And I’m not knockin’ relationships when I say this, but it can get tiring. I’m beginning to realize how much of my energy was exerted, disproportionately so, in tending to the fickle emotional needs of K.

Here I am, single. Captain of my own ship. It is a glorious thing to experience.

This realization also came not too long after putting my profile up on OK Cupid, an online dating site. I had been having an off day, feeling down about how things worked out, so I poured myself a glass of wine and updated my profile. I felt vulnerable doing so and questioned why I was doing it when my heart wasn’t 100% into it. For me, online dating has been, well, there’s no polite way to say it . . . a shit show. The mere thought of going through the song and dance again made my insides cringe. Is this what I wanted? To get in another relationship? Uh . . . .

So maybe online dating will be a not so serious diversion. Everything in its own time. But when I am ready to date, here’s my wishlist in no specific order. This or something better.

• Equitable partnership
• Grounded
• Single
• Monogamous
• 30 ish to 40 ish
• Solvent
• Intelligent
• Feminine
• Informed
• Cultured
• Foodie
• Can cook well
• Will clean
• World traveler or keen to be
• Lives in NYC, preferably Brooklyn
• Knows what she wants
• Shared spiritual values
• Nice rack (hey, since we’re being honest here)
• Has some polish to her
• Treats me with the respect I deserve
• Honest
• Caring
• Childless by choice
• Good kisser
• Good listener
• Funny
• Takes care of herself
• Adventurous
• Likes a curvy woman
• Non smoker
• Drug free
• Well adjusted
• Has shit reasonably together
• Lives alone
• Likes animals
• Stable
• Loving
• Likes my friends and likes to spend time with them and vice versa
• Actively working towards goals both personal and career
• Quick minded, can keep up with me
• Nice
• Environmentally conscious
• Altruistic
• Physically and emotionally present
• Bon vivant
• Responsible
• Emotionally mature
• Sex goddess (again, let’s be honest)
• Conscientious omnivore
• Respects boundaries
• Reasonably empathic
• My biggest advocate
• Gainfully employed
• Wants to stay in New York or keep base here
• Likes a good cocktail and dessert wine
• Romantic
• Respects the needs of the relationship
• Urbanite
• Decisive

Call it a 2011 version of this, although perhaps a little less intense?

5 thoughts on “Keep On Keepin’ On

  1. Ahh, if only I was fifty years younger and more than three of those things.

    You deserve no less.

    Non smoking good kisser.

  2. Saw this today, and it reminded me of you.

    Learn With Every Goodbye
    – Veronica A Shoffstall

    After a while, you learn the subtle difference
    between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
    And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
    And company doesn’t mean security,
    And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
    And presents aren’t promises,
    And you begin to accept your defeats
    With the grace of a woman,
    not the grief of a child,
    And learn to build all your roads on today
    Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
    And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
    And after a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
    So you plant your own garden
    and decorate your own soul,
    Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
    And you learn that you really can endure…
    That you really are strong
    And you really do have worth
    And you learn
    and learn…
    With every goodbye, you learn.

  3. I like the post title. 😉

    I always had “emotional baggage limited to two carry-on items only” on my needs list. But somehow, of the four I dated from online sources, I always ended up with the type who managed to convince me that a steamer trunk or a shipping crate is a carry-on. Still, its a good thing to add!

    Also, “uses good grammar.”

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